Confessions of a Blogaholic

We only had 4 million sperm post-wash, and of that, only 74% were mobile. WTF? I was so upset I started crying in the procedure room (like a baby) and ended up crying the whole way home. I know I should be thankful that we had 3 million good, strong, moving sperm, because plenty of people have so much less than that, but I'm really upset. It just makes all my pessimism and lack of hope these last few days seem justified.

I know I can't be mad at N. for his low counts, but I am. Let me explain why...I've been asking him for the last two months to take these fertility vitamins the uro gave us back in June. The uro said they would help with his morph at the very least. Well, N. has the memory of a freakin rock, and if I didn't remind him every freaking night, he forgot to take them. I finally got the the point where I said, "If this is important to you, you will make it a point to remember to take them." He didn't. To be fair, he is a man, and men seem to have trouble having faith in the unseen--if I can SEE that the vitamins are working, they aren't working; therefore, why would it be in the forefront of his memory?

So, I am mad because I can't even say, "Well, babe, you tried your best and this is all we got," because he didn't try at all. I can't say we gave this our all, because Igave it my all, but he did not do the one simple thing that could have helped. Even still, I can't be angry...what's done is done and we have to work with what we got.

Our 2nd IUI is tomorrow. The RE said we would expect to see an even lower number tomorrow. Awesome. $250 for the teeniest bits of sperm. She assured me, though, that we still have a little less than 20% chance, and that this is worth trying.

It only takes 1 sperm...I know this, but if we had no success with 2.5 TIMES the sperm last cycle and the same follicle scenario, why on Earth would I feel positive about this cycle?

EDIT: N. just got home from work and was telling me about how he dropped a tool today and it hit him in the family jewels. He said his first thought was our IUI tomorrow. "I don't want to be a fuck up for a second day," he said...Aww...I know he cares.