Confessions of a Blogaholic

Rylee is in her toddler bed now, which I wonderful when she stays, but not so great when she gets up at 4am and refuses to stay in bed.

Went to see my new workplace today. So exciting!

I finally invested in an IPhone, and it's just about official that I will no longer need a computer, lol.

Let me give you some updates:

Was recently offered an amazing job as an ELA specialist at OSU making double my teaching salary. I truly can't believe I am being given this opportunity and, even more, I can't believe anyone would think me capable of such responsibility. I've been dumbfounded since I found out last week. Amazing. As of now,the plan is for me to move right around thanksgiving. I've already told my student and all in all, they've been incredibly congratulatory for me, but everyone, including my peers, has said they will be sad to see me go.

In short rylee news, She is still totally amazing. She is up to many many words and she's constantly trying to repeat what we say. She will repeat her way thru The entire Alphabet. We just moved her to a toddler bed, and even that is working very well.

Things are going so well...all the things I've worked hard for all falling together and my beautiful baby is getting so big. Couldn't be happier!

Tonight, my B.O.E. decided to enforce the "RIF" of my HS principal, move around the remaining principals, and give a new, inexperienced principal a position.

Recently, my union decided to freeze our steps for a year despite the fact that our base salary is in the lowest percentile in the state and we have only had a 1.5% raise in the last 5 years. Additionally, we pay 30% of our insurance premium (cadillac plan my boo-tay).

A board member, as a result of the decisions tonight, resigned.

My district is on a slippery slope, heading downhill fast, and I feel like I'm putting every bit of extra energy I have into trying to save it to no avail. I've picked up that building rep position to try a "be the change you want to see in people." Meaning, I want people to be more active and to care, so I am more active and caring. I'm working through so much curriculum stuff because I want to make the school better, even though we consistently rank "excellent" on our state report card. I care and care and care and do and do and do, and I'm not sure it has the desired effect.

So...I'm reaching a crossroads this year. This is my 4th year at my current school and my 5th year in education, making me a mid-career teacher--can you believe that? 4+ years makes you "mid-range". I'm also nearing the end of my 2-year contract and getting ready to take on my 5-year contract. I'm at the point of no return--do I stay on at N. or do I move on before I'm too expensive to go elsewhere?

Honestly, I don't know what to do. I'm not used to being in a school where so few people care about what happens to the school as a whole. I'm used to G., my alma mater, where school spirit poured out of the walls. I miss that feeling. What the school lacks in spirit and support, though, they make up in opportunity. I've been able to take on so many leadership roles because there is such a small staff (not to mention the fact that nobody else takes the roles, lol). I've also committed to things that I want to see through to the end (like the work I've done to implement RtI), but I don't know if my commitment to these initiatives is enough to make me feel better about my environment. I also have a lot of freedom at a smaller school--I teach what I want, essentially. I work with a great "department" (all 4 of us!), who gets along, collaborates, talks about English stuff, but I miss the community vibe that goes along with working in a big school. I don't get the staff parties or going out after a tough day.

I know, in my heart, that I am meant to eventually do something with policy and curriculum. I know this because I came to the realization this summer, when I was doing all this research and work and studying curriculum theory and the CCSS and all the state regulations and educational history, that I enjoy doing this kind of work. I want to be the person at ODE who studies federal and state laws and creates curricular materials based on them. I want to be a curriculum consultant and teach people how to interpret requirements. What I don't know is what path I need to take to reach this ultimate career goal. I feel like there's a pressure on me now to be molded into the curriculum coordinator position at N., but I don't know that I want that kind of position in that kind of environment. I also don't know if the trade-offs (mobile classroom, more restrictions, a set curriculum, more money etc.) are enough to make a bigger school district a better option for me.

What I do know is that actual teaching is starting to feel like my "second job" beneath being a professional student and studier of education theory and methodology. It's almost as if I moreso prefer to study the theory and methods and help other people figure out how to do them than I prefer to make them happen in my own classroom. It's like I'm losing my love for teaching; don't get me wrong, though, I still love teaching, but if given the option to either 1) work on lesson plans, or 2) work on reading articles at ASCD and books by educational theorists, I'm more likely to choose 2.

I don't like feeling like I'm part of a community that doesn't support its school system. If I leave, though, I'm not "being the change I want to see in others," I'm being a part of the problem at N. If I stay, though, I alone am not doing anything to bring about a solution to the problem either. I don't know what to do; I don't know what I'm meant to do.

Saturday night was pretty awful with the noisy fireworks and my poor terrified child. I brought her into bed with me (Nathan was at a car show with Rocky) and coaxed her to sleep. Just when she would finally let out a little snore...*Bam* a firework would explode, and I'd hold my breath thinking, "Don't wake up, don't wake up." Undoubtedly, seconds later, she'd let out a wail, and I'd have to do it all over again. It was awful and annoying and I SERIOUSLY wish my neighbors had more common sense.

Today, we took Ry to her first parade. The first half hour or so she squirmed wildly, probably because she had no clue why we were sitting on the sidewalk staring at people on the opposite sidewalk. But finally, the parade started, and she seemed to have a good time. She got a sucker out of the deal at least :)

It's July now and my calendar is starting to clear up a bit as all the administrators (and my mentor for the internship) are taking their vacations. I've been busy, but it's been awesome!

Rylee has an ever-growing vocabulary. I think she starts saying something and it takes us a few days to pick up on the new "word", but it's funny because even once she has learned a word, she sometimes trips over her tongue when trying to say it.

Words she can say and things she can do:
"Dada" and "Dadeeeeeee" (She likes to draw out ending vowel sounds)
"mama" (though she prefers saying daddy...)
"bubble"
"doggie"
"Kit Kaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" (Kitty Kat)
"duckie"
"Buh-bye"

She can also:
blow kisses
give "baby kisses" (those open-mouthed ones with a muah sound)
go down the stairs the right way (backwards)
open and close doors
get up and down on the couch
and she's peed in the potty twice (totally accidentally, but she did it)

Every day it's something new. She's pretty awesome!

Have I mentioned that Rylee loves to read. I mean, she LOVES to read. She will sit with a book for 10 minutes and just flip through the pages. *sigh* a girl after my own heart :)

I love the days that when they are over you can sit back and say, "Wow....today I made something of myself."

Ry has a potty. I know, she's only 13 months, probably too early, but she's a pretty smart cookie. And I figure since she sees potty training going on at the sitters, maybe she'll pick it up from the kids. But really, who WANTS to pee on this pretty thing:

If you've stuck around long enough to see this post, congrats! Sorry such LOOONG spans of time seem to keep happening between posts, but now that it's summer, I should be able to post a bit more frequently (depending on if Rylee's ok with that, lol).

The last few months, as always, have been pretty insane. This past Tuesday was my last official day with students, and unlike other years/teachers, I didn't have my countdown going. In fact, the last day caught me TOTALLY off-guard. I had stacks of graded papers that never got returned, I hadn't collected textbooks, my room was still a mess. I was completely unprepared. I really don't know what happened this year, it just went faster than all 3 of my other teaching years.

In May, I started both an Administrative Technology in Education class as well as my Administrative internship. By January, I should have finished everything necessary to apply for my admin license. Whoop! For my internship, I have to do like 110 hours of activities to fulfill 16 directives that all begin with words like "directing", "scheduling", "managing", "training", and "mentoring." I have to do 6 interviews with curriculum directors outside of my district (3 of which I already have scheduled to do in the next two weeks), attend several state and national conferences, and basically serve as my district's curriculum director's free assistant for the duration of the project. She's putting me in charge of the Race to the Top stuff assuming our district stays involved. She's also WONDERFUL because she is so well-connected and she seems so excited to work with an intern. She's asked around about me (I've heard from others), and she seems to want me to head-up some stuff. So, yay!

I also got the spot as my building's union rep for next year--Yay, again! I'm on the contract negotiations committee, and we meet Tuesday evening to negotiate with the Board. So exciting. I'm looking forward to 1) Learning how all this works, 2) Learning how to communicate in conflict situations more appropriately, and 3) Being a more active person in my profession.

In addition, Nate and I have been doing some work to the house recently. In the week before Ry's birthday, we hired a contractor to come out and do our deck. It turned out beautifully! Nate posted some pics on his Facebook page, but he did it directly from his phone, so I can't find them on the computer :( Next to our 16 x 20 deck is a 10 x 10 patio with the firepit. Next to the patio is a small line of 3 arborvitae bushes that we hope will eventually make a "natural" privacy screen. We moved the canopy and outdoor furniture onto the deck. I'd say outside of the house and Rylee's conception, the deck is one of the best investments we have ever made. We use it all the time between dinner, grilling, hanging out, playing with Ry. We sit out there a lot!! And with a DVR, who needs to be inside during this beautiful weather anyhow?

Ry's birthday was May 4, and the weekend before, we had a little party at our house. She got all up in her smash cake! I made rainbow-layered cupcakes for us to eat and a rainbow-layered cake for her. She seemed to have a blast, and we were glad to have the Ramsey family over as Rylee just loves Ethan and Aly!

Rylee gets more amazing every day. She responds to commands now (that sounds weird, sorry, I know she's not a dog!), like "go get your shoes" and "give it to daddy" and "put it in the trash." She can make it all the way up and down stairs by herself. She can communicate some, though EVERYTHING is "da da"!! She says, "bah-bah" and waves for bye-bye, goes to her high chair and grabs it to let us know she's hungry, grabs the door hand to the garage when she's ready to go somewhere. She dances ALL THE TIME--to commercials, phone ringtones, radio, toys. She LOVES going for walks and MOVING FURNITURE!! Our chairs on constantly moved across the floor :)

I've been steadily continuing to lose weight. It's crazy, actually, because no matter what I do, I'm not gaining it back. I'm still eating whole grains and lots of veggies/fruits. I take my one-a-day, 2 fish oil vitamins, and 2 calcium supps (at breakfast and dinner), and that's about it. I don't really work out outside of taking Ry on walks and playing with her. I eat a pudding cup about every other day, and I still love desserts. I guess it's just in moderation now, or something. Every time I get on the scale (whenever I think to do it), I lose about another pound. It's pretty cool, actually. I'll let you know when I hit my plateau, lol.

Well, I've got to get these last few essay exams finished, so I'm off to do that. I'll be back soon, I promise :)

It has been soooooo long again. I have to make it a point to get on here more often, which I can guarantee will happen once summer comes! I've been so busy this school year, but I love it.

First, I wanted to share my new education blog Turn On Your Brain. I decided to start this up because I find that I am always reading articles online or interesting teacher-type books and wanting to discuss them. I love talking about education, but I haven't found that many people with a shared interest. If you're into that kind of thing, please sign up to follow my new blog and be sure to PARTICIPATE IN SOME DISCUSSION!!! I'm really hoping to get some good dialog going!

Next, Rylee's walking. She started at 10 months taking 1 or 2 steps. So freaking cute. Within a week or two, she was going longer and longer. I think she got tired of falling so far behind the kids at the sitter's house :)

Everything is going so well for us. We had some people out to give us quotes on the deck and patio; hoping to get that done within a month. We bought Ry an awesome playset for her birthday--yeah, she's too young to use it right now, but she'll grow into it. I finished my class, scheduled the two I'm going to take this summer, and planned my fall internship. We're working on getting Ry's 1st birthday party together. Everything's great here!

Oh, boo! I have been trying to post some super cute videos but the uploader isn't working. I'll try again soon, I promise!

Every day she gets a little bit older, a little bit bigger, a little more hair, a little more able.

She climbs the stairs, she dances up and down, she takes her shoes off when in the car for longer than 5 minutes, she laughs, she does things to get a laugh.

Her nose crinkles, her hair stands up all over the place, her eyes light up, her babbling gets more extensive, her hands get more curious.

She is absolutely stunning, and I am so glad she is mine.

It's funny that I long for snow days just so I can play catch up everywhere else in my life.

We've been busy, busy, busy as always.

Dad: Is now in a nursing home. The ventilator was removed after about two weeks. He still has bad pneumonia that has not reacted to any of the meds, and his liver is still incredibly shot. For now, though, he is alcohol and smoke free and receiving physical therapy at the nursing home until he can walk again. Mom and I have been busy on the phones, waiting in line at the SS office, ordering paperwork, copying, faxing, talking to the hospital, going to the hospital. In all, I have to say the hospital gets only a 1/5 stars for their performance. They were going to discharge the man on Saturday with NO PLACE TO GO and NO ABILITY TO WALK, until my mom and I talked to the case worker and pointed out their stupidity. He has a court date coming up and may be going to jail, but that would be THAT much longer before he drinks and smokes again. In the end, I am not holding my breath for him to recover. He's on the decline, but I don't see him choosing a life of sobriety.

My Classes: Are back in full swing. I'm taking 1 class right now on Monday nights. I have three classes to complete this summer, an internship in the fall, my Praxis for Administrator's test to pass, and I'm a fully licensed curriculum specialist with only 1 semester of interning to receive my principal's license if I ever choose to do so.

Ry: Is still beautiful as ever! She climbs our entire staircase all by herself! She stands without holding on to things for about 20 seconds. She's a big girl, and she's SPOILED ROTTEN! I mean, her princess mentality is in everything she does. Oh my... I am already ready for another baby. I have serious baby envy for some reason. I don't think Nathan is entirely ready for another one just yet, but he has said if it happens, it happens--though we all know the likelihood of it "just happening" in our circumstances. I can't wait to see Ry as a big sister. I can't wait to do all of this over again. Plus, I don't want to get too far away from the sleepless nights before I do it over, ya know?

The House: We're saving up for our deck this summer, hoping to have it built in May so we can enjoy it throughout the summer and fall. I can't wait to have a deck! Our goal has been to save as much money as possible so we can get everything we want in our deck without having to be told we don't have enough. Other goals for the summer...a natural gas grill (we have a natural gas hookup on the back of our house), a wooden playset for the princess, and a shed for the lawnmower, fire pit/canopy storage, to give us space in the garage for a freezer unit. Finally, I'm hoping to figure out how to grow my own tomatoes and green peppers and learn how to can salsa, spaghetti sauce, etc.

Food: Since my last post, I have totally cut out all processed foods and any food with High Fructose Corn Syrup. I've cooked pretty much every night and eaten salads when we've gone out to dinner. We've switched to primarily turkey and chicken for meats (I haven't been a fan of beef since I blew my eyeballs out when I was pregnant). And I've gotten Nathan to eat more salads and whole wheat bread. A lot of this stuff I was already doing for the past couple of years, but I would sneak in crap just so I didn't have to cook (Kraft Mac & Cheese, anyone?). Though I am doing a lot more cooking, Nathan and I prep most of the stuff on Sundays (frozen meatloaves, meatballs, cut up veggies for salads, frozen strombolis, as well as making all Ry's baby food) in only a couple of hours, which makes dinners so much easier throughout the week. I've only lost a couple of pounds, but I'm about 13 less than I was before I got pregnant, and I'm still sticking to my guns about working out--I'll do what I feel like doing, not what I'm forcing myself to do. So, if I'm going to read some in the evening after I put the baby to bed, I hope on the treadmill--the more interested I am in the book, the longer I am likely to stay on. If I'm watching TV and hanging out, I'll pick up my weights and mindlessly (no counting) do bicep curls, lateral lifts, bench press on the exercise ball, whatever, until I can't lift them anymore. I'll also bust out some squats and lunges, again while watching the boob tube. But I'm not doing anything I don't want to do. When the weather clears, we'll go for walks, bike ride (with the trailer we're buying Ry for her birthday), or hike. I'm still not concerned about losing weight; I could care less what the scale says, but I AM concerned about being healthier, being more capable of playing with my kid(s), feeling more energized, sleeping better at night, and living from sun up to sun down. I feel better, more confident, have higher self-esteem, and live more positively when I take care of myself--that's what I'm working toward.

Gotta post quick because the baby is waking from her nap (oh, those blissful moments when I can set aside Mommyhood to work on Teacherdom and Wifeliness).

Dad is in the hospital (again). If you aren't too familiar with me/my situation, my dad and I have basically stopped talking. Right after I graduated high school, he and my mom had a pretty rough divorce (and my mom was SO in the right for divorcing him). My dad has ALWAYS been an alcoholic, but with the freedom of the divorce came an onslaught binge of drinking. So, for the last 10 years, I've probably talked to my dad about a handful of times, and he's been a "bottom of the barrel" type of drunk for that entire period. I should clarify....my dad's sense of normal is waking up to a beer first thing in the morning, working a job that allows him to work when he can and drink all the time, and living in situations that keep him drowning in alcohol (and possibly drugs) at all times of day and night. He's a mess. Seriously.

3 years ago (at the same time when my g-pa died), was the last time my dad had been in the ICU. He was hooked up to a ventilator after a "fall" (which I'm still convinced was truly a baseball bat to the head) and in and out of consciousness for a couple weeks. It was at that time that I found out as the oldest daughter, I am responsible for decisions regarding his medical care. At the time, the doctors told him he had 2 years left to live if he continued drinking and smoking. His lungs and liver are basically shot, he has hep C, MRSA, and a myriad of other deadly conditions (high blood pressure). On top of all that, this "fall" left him with some weird brain damage or something, because afterwards, he couldn't even act like a "normal" (respective to his every other day actions) human being. He was mentally retarded even by his own standards.

Needless to say, despite his own repeated attempts at rehab, my dad continued to drink, and I continued to learn that addiction is a disease--some beat it, and some succumb to it.

This time is much worse. He went to the ER last Tuesday with chest pain and severe detoxing, only to find out that his entire left lung and top half of his right lung are filled with pneumonia. Thursday morning, he was moved up to ICU with a severely low blood pressure that required medicine to raise. He was sedated and put on a ventilator at that time. Saturday and Sunday mornings, they took him off his sedative, but he did not wake up (it's taking a long time to process the meds out because his liver is so effed). Yesterday, they gave him sedatives to give him a CAT (sp?) scan, during which they found that his lungs are incredibly effed and at this point, they don't know whether or not he will be able to breathe on his own again (a combo punch from smoking for so many years and the pneumonia). Hence....the ventilator is serving as his life support. Without it, right now, he would fail to breathe.

My mom got the impression from the doc when she went up Saturday that this is an "If...he lives" situation. Apparently, those were the doctor's exact words ("If he gets out of this this time..."); however, the ICU nurses are giving a more "We don't know..." and "When he wakes up..." impression. But what do they really know half the time??

I'm just hoping for a resolution. Nate says he can't understand why I even care, and the truth is...I care because I know what kind of person he USED to be. He was, after all, truly my dad for the first 17 years of my life. Did he come to any violin concerts? No. Did he come to any football games? No. Did he come to any plays? Maybe one. But, he was still my dad, and he cared about me in the way he knew how. As my friend Allison put it, he "loved to him limit," and did what he was capable of doing. So, yes, of course, I care about what happens to him...

But...he is a shell of the person he used to be, and the realist side of me cannot understand why the hospitals continue to save him just to send him out and let him kill himself again. He will never grasp the magnitude of his actions. If he doesn't die this time, it's only a matter of a brief amount of time.

Among the many books I am read (including Book #1 of the Alex Cross series by Patterson, Book #1 in the Maximum Ride series by Patterson, Gregor the Overlander, Book #2 in the Percy Jackson series, AND Freakonomics), one that has my attention, and inadvertently the attention of this post, is Master Your Metabolism by the all-too famous Jillian Michaels.



In it, Jillian talks about all of the chemical toxins in and around us that throw our hormones off-balance and cause (contribute, I would argue) to our incessant obesity epidemic. Being of the "larger than life" club, myself, I am interested in what Jillian has to say--am I reading in place of exercising? Possibly. But I have thrown 25-30 minute nightly workouts on the elliptical and uncounted repetitions with weights and exercise ball routines into my daily schedules.

Like so many other food-oriented books I've read in recent years (The Omnivore's Dilemma, Fast Food Nation, and In Defense of Food--yes, I am well-versed, and should I add, well-experienced in the area of food), Jillian condemns processed foods, food additives, chemi-foods, etc. Basically, all the things we like in life--Bad, Bad, Bad.

I do not tend to eat a whole lot of processed foods, in all reality. We do, though, eat a lot of chicken and ground turkey. We eat lots of vegetables and whole grains as well. I can't remember the last time I had an Oreo or boxed Mac & Cheese. Nor can I remember the last time we ate anything from a can or even shopped those "middle aisles" of the grocery store. I don't eat fast food more than once every couple of weeks, I eat breakfast every morning (oatmeal, toast with apple butter, banana), I pack lunches every day for work (yogurt, natural apple sauce, Lean Pocket), and when we go out to dinner, I get a salad. In my opinion, I eat healthy. Also, in my opinion, I don't eat that much.

Being that I've only just started guaranteeing myself a nightly workout, I can't say, "I don't know why I'm so fat!" Because I haven't been working out long enough to see any benefits. That being said, in the past, I have BUSTED MY ASS to lose weight for extended periods of time and never saw the results I wanted. When I was in Army ROTC at Xa.vier, I worked out every single day beginning at 5am with my battalion, worked out in the evenings with my suitemates, and dieted ALL DAY EVERY DAY, but never got below 170.

Now, I should clarify...I'm not working out now to lose weight. I could care less about that any more. I have a husband and a kid, I don't need to work on my appearance for anything important. I am working out to try and manage my stress and workload. I'm working out to sleep better at night instead of tossing and turning all night long. Most importantly, I'm working out to have some alone time while Nate watches the baby. I work out because it makes me feel good rather than stressed out.

I'm starting to think maybe there is some truth to what Jillian (and so many others!) are saying. Maybe my hormones are all out of whack because they are under attack by all the chemicals in our foods, cleaners, tupperware containers, etc. Maybe there is a problem with my thyroid? Maybe my inability to lose during ROTC was a hormone imbalance? Maybe I'm unintentionally predisposing Rylee to obesity by exposing her to all the chemi-food nonsense. I don't know.

I don't think I can be a "green" mom. I don't think I have the time in my already overloaded schedule to do the necessary research to go "green" in every area of my life. I don't think I have the energy to put in to going to farmer's markets for vegetables, obsessively comparing food labels, paying so much more for free-range, organic, etc. meats (see, I don't even know the difference!). I do, though, think it's important to set a good example for my kid. It would be great to have a list of pre-researched "ok" foods, cleaners, etc. so that I wouldn't have to put forth all that extra effort! If I can give Ry a step-up in the right direction as far as nutrition and healthy living are concerned, I'd love to be able to do that. I'd love for her to avoid being called "Thunder Thighs" in 8th grade gym class :/ And to avoid being called "The Fat Cheerleader". I'd love for her risks of cancer to already be diminished because she chooses to avoid "bad" foods.

Small steps. At least I'm making it a point to work out daily.