Confessions of a Blogaholic

Edit: i typed this a couple weeks ago and it didnt publish, so here is it:

Tomorrow I am doing my first ever professional development session for a network of schools in Ohio. Sooooo excited to do this kind of work and have this kind of opportunity!! Plus, in really excited to discuss what I'm training about....it's just great to feel like I'm doing something awesome for education. How did I fall into this work?? Well, my education blog is officially up to 7,800 views and has a following of 120 people. How cool is that, right? One of the followers recently commented and asked if I did training sessions--lo and behold, that can be part of my new job. Any trepidation I had about this new job is counterbalanced at my excitement to get out in the field and teach teachers.

Excitement aside, here are some pics of that beautiful baby!

What started on Friday to seem like a long, sad, lonely weekend filled with Riesling and Moscato turned out to be productive and therapeutic.

Terri came down Friday evening (Ry was with her dad this weekend), and after a trip to Wendy's, Lowes, and Tim Horton's for sugar/iced Capp liquid energy, we started painting the downstairs trim and doors in my house. They were this awful blonde color. Saturday, after at least 15 hours of work, 1 coat of primer, 2 coats of paint, many, many bruises, and sore and achy bodies, Terri and I completed the task. You'll have to see below for pics because this app doesn't let me insert throughout the post. Wish I had some befores, but you may be able to scroll back through my blog for those.

Nathan and I received our submitted paperwork today. We haven't been talking a lot recently, more out of a common desire to let hurt feelings pass before we try to be even acquaintances. Again, I can't stress enough how everything that is happening is for the best for everyone involved. Anyhow, as a condition of our dissolution, we have to attend a 4-hour seminar about parenting through a divorce. While I feel incredibly trashy having to give four hours of my life to something clearly intended for people with children older than 22 months, I just want to get it over with. Nathan and I are going together on the 14th, because I also feel less trashy going with someone.

Ry had a good weekend at her grandparents' house (his parents), and she came home happy. She's such a smart kid. Sometimes I can't figure out if she's really smart or really lucky. Like tonight, I pulled out some color flash cards for the first time. We went through a couple colors and she wasn't really getting it, then I held up the blue and asked her what color it was. She very clearly said blue. Again, smart? Or lucky?

Here's a pic of the white in the house and some recent pics of the little lady:

Part of the dissolution agreement obviously included child custody arrangements. Originally, Nathan wanted a 50/50 split with our custody. He wanted to have her alternating weeks, but because a big part of the reason we divorced was his unwillingness to be home, I advocated for more freedom for him. Nathan has always been a wanderer; it's not a bad thing, but he has just never wanted to be tied down.

So, our ultimate agreement looked more similar to what my parents did when they separated when I was younger. One night a week (either tuesday or Thursday depending on if Nathan is on call) and every other weekend, Ry stays at Nathan's house. I have to admit it is nice to have these breaks every now and then. I sometimes use the time for grocery shopping, hardcore cleaning, bits of traveling (have been to Terri's more times since we separated than I have in the few years she's lived that far away!), and working, reading, enjoying a relaxing evening alone.

But weekends like this, where I didn't plan in advance for things to do to keep my time enjoyably filled, are looooooooooooong and boooooooring. I found myself eating way too much crap this weekend, sitting around watching tv movies, and generally wanting to rip my eyeballs out.

The lesson I learned: Always, always, always have a list of to-do's for the weekends when Ry is gone!!!

My next free weekend is the 24th, and while I have some decent plans for the Friday, I need to start working on the Saturday and Sunday so I'm not feeling this crappy again.

So, things have been a little crazy.

In November, I left my classroom to begin my new job (with a nearly doubled salary!) at Ohio State as an English Language Arts content specialist. Having gotten and accepted the job in October had allowed me to make some major (and necessary) life changes to improve the quality of Rylee's life...

Nathan and I had talked many times about getting divorced. There were always a lot of problems, and I would venture to say the problems were magnified by having Miss Rylee. I am not going to go into details; I would never publicly extol the conflicts that occurred, but I will admit that my marriage was over several years ago. I look back on things that I said, warnings I gave, ultimatums I tried to stand by, and I knew (whether Nathan did or not) that things were not good and we were not raising Ry in the best possible environment.

Anyhow, on November 4, Nathan moved out. We made the move as harmless to Ry as possible. He took his things, we divided up belongings that would not disturb her home life, we reached agreement on child support and custody, and I filed for a dissolution in mid-November.

I won't pretend that it has been smooth sailing since, but I will say there is a definite difference in the environment of mine and Ry's home now. It's definitely a change, but I am now happier, healthier, and all the wiser from having lived and learned. This week, we submitted our signed dissolution paperwork, and now we wait for the judge to sign off as well.

I also won't lie and say we're going to be bff's in the future. A lot of anger and resentment embedded itself over the course of 9 years, but we will be amicable for Ry's sake. I'm sure those heated emotions will subside eventually, but I don't see Nathan and I sitting together around a dinner table anytime soon.

My new job is great, but it's a huge change. I'm doing statewide education work now. My education blog has resulted in my being requested to come and run some teacher training sessions, which is truly amazing. I'm able to maintain my blog through work, and I get to go to national conferences.

Outside of work, I am incredibly relaxed. Sadly, I have more free and relaxing time now than I ever had as a wife. I no longer have lesson plans or grading to worry about, so after Ry gots to bed, I have time to run my book club, read leisurely, write in my real journal, and generally take care of myself and my house.

This year, I refused to make a resolution. Last January, I had no idea that 2011 would end the way it did, and at this moment, there are several things hanging loosely in the air that could have a significant impact on my 2012. The only resolution I could/can make is to accept change and to believe that parts of the course of my life are well outside of my humanly realm of control. I believe that all things happen for a reason.

Now let me show you some recent pics of my beautiful baby!!!!