Confessions of a Blogaholic

My secret obsession with Kings of Leon started a couple (?) years ago when that movie Disturbia with Shia LeBouf (another secret obsession) came out. There was a song by them in the soundtrack and I fell deeply in love with them. The soulful, scratchy voice of the lead singer makes me want to crawl in the tub alone in a darkened bathroom with a cold beer and a lit candle. I love music that moves me to an emotion. Poetry has never spoke to me, but the actual sound of a song paired with "groovy" (for lack of a better word) lyrics can alter my sentiments in mere seconds.

My emotions have been rather stagnant since Monday. While I'm trying not to dwell on the doctor's appointment or the upcoming biopsy, I'm having a difficult time finding other things on which to concentrate. Luckily, my love for my job keeps me fulfilled and satisfied for 7.5 hours a day, distracting me from my otherwise saddening fixation.

I did go an talk to my g-ma tonight. Thank God for g-mas; they always know the right words to say at the exactly right times. I told her I am more worried about my mom than myself; regardless of the outcome, I can almost guarantee my mom is already a mess inside with this whole situation. She takes the weight of the world on her shoulders, and I almost regret not waiting to tell her until I found out the results myself. She will probably worry herself to death over the next couple of weeks--she already hand-delivered a beautiful bouquet of roses as a token of her utter devastation and concern for me. I told my g-ma how worried and scared I am; she, of all people, can understand because she went through similar stuff herself and with my g-pa. She said, "Christina, there is nothing you can change now. Whatever is in you--or NOT in you--is already there. It's not going anywhere, and there's nothing you can do about it. Now, you just find out the results and handle them however you can." Ahh....g-mas always bring the peace.

At one point, I mentioned to g-ma feeling all alone because no one in my family has a history with any of this. I said, "I just wish I knew of someone who had to take some sort of hormones for this same issue," and she says, "Well, now, I had to take estrogen to help me out in my 30's." I looked at her, laughed, and said, "Now, Mammaw, don't you think you could've told me that a couple weeks ago when I was asking you about your medical history???"

I was elated tonight to see a response to my "RP: Endometrial Hyperplasia" post on an infertility board I frequent. While I hate that someone else has to deal with such a disease, I was thankful to find SOMEONE out there. I was so excited that I couldn't wait to email her and find out more about her experiences. She is 39 (from her profile), which still leaves be with a ton of questions because I've googled and googled and googled and have yet to find anyone my age with this sort of diagnosis.

Everyone has been so helpful. Even though a lot of you can't post comments because you don't have a profile, I deeply appreciate the support I've gotten. I feel like all I can think about is this situation right now, and I'm getting so tired of hearing myself say "biopsy." But you're all just listening patiently and offering any help I might need (although I still wish Alexis would go do the biopsy for me!!). I don't know what to tell you to say to make it better, I don't know what I need from you to make it seem like a smaller issue, but listening to me whine on and on about it is good enough. And, if you've made it this far, you're already giving me all you can.