Confessions of a Blogaholic

That is the number of times this blog has been viewed in the last 88 days. Unbelievable! I'm not that interesting, really!

I've been sort of struggling today, feeling very weird about the test results. The teacher-friend next door told me her father was just diagnosed yesterday with prostate cancer---just one more person diagnosed recently. Then, she asked me how I am feeling, and I thought, "Hmm...how am I feeling?"

I'm trying so hard to prepare myself for the worst news possible. If I go in expecting the worst, I'll feel so much better when the news is good. And if it isn't good, I will be better able to deal with the bad news. When I initially met with the RE, I didn't prepare myself for the worst news, and the "endometrial hyperplasia" was a total shock to my system. To prepare for the biopsy, I tried diligently to imagine the worst pain I have ever been in, thinking this would prepare me for the pain of the procedure. I can honestly say I still wasn't prepared. Now, for the results, the worst case scenario is--I have cancer and I lose my uterus.

...but trying to wrap my mind around that possibility is like trying to imagine what it feels like to have a million dollars in the bank. It's impossible to grasp and even more impossible to understand.

I can live for the possible positive outcomes all I want, but I have to be prepared if the news isn't good. How do I do that when the bad news is so unimaginable?