Confessions of a Blogaholic

Thank God. Tonight is my last night of Clomid, and I have never been so thankful. The last five days of medication have literally driven me over the edge, and although I am prone to moderate, semi-bipolar mood swings, I have never felt myself go from 0 to enraged like I have this time. Let me give you some examples...

1) I exploded at hubs last night at 10:45 (2 hours after my dose) because he wouldn't go with me to the grocery store to get more ace bandages for Stink's neck. Granted, he had worked a 13-hour day in the hot, hot sun, had to be up to go to work this morning at 6:30, and he was getting ready to go to bed...but in my Clomid crazy mind, his unwillingness to go was equivalent to him wanting Stink to get infected and die.

2) On Sunday, Hubs and I were supposed to go see The Proposal. He left to go do something for awhile, and I sat and waited for him to get back. We were supposed to be at the movie at 3:45, which meant we needed to leave by 3. Well, 3:30 rolls around, and hubs finally shows up. Of course, I went off in another Clomid-induced rage. I ended up telling him to stay at home while I went to watch it on my own.

3) John & Kate came on about an hour after I took my pills last night. Filled with all the womanly hormones, I found myself LITERALLY BAWLING when I see that final screen that said: "As of June 22, 2009, a dissolution has been filed to end the 10-year marriage of Jon and Kate." I still feel a lump in my throat just thinking about it.

This has been nuts. I'm so over Clomid. If this cycle doesn't work, I'm ready to move on to some injects--maybe I'll have less of this bullshit.

Speaking of this cycle, my IUI is next week....yay...I'm not feeling incredibly optimistic about it after perusing through some of the statistics on the internet. Honestly, if I only get one follie combined with hubs' sperm issues, I'm kind of wondering if there is even a point in shelling out the $250 for the insemination when those two combined factors equal such a low success rate.

No. I can't sit here and be so negative. I have to think positive because being optimistic is half the battle in infertility. Yes, there is a low success rate given those factors, but all it takes is 1 sperm and 1 egg for it to happen. I'm going to pin all my optimism on that one fact.