What a difference a year makes...
11 years ago
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
You know who you are.
I have to tell you how truly and utterly heartbroken I am for you. There are no words to make you feel better, but I have to try. I wanted so badly for you to be successful...for selfish reasons, I needed you to be successful to make my own situation feel like it will work out. I needed for it to happen for you so that I could feel better about my IF. I needed to know that no matter what, it will be possible if I just keep trying and persisting. But mostly, I wanted you to be successful for you...you deserve to be happy and satisfied and to experience all the wonderful things being a mother has to offer. You are a mother to 180 other people's children a year, and I desperately need to believe you will get to be a mother to your own. The world doesn't work when people who deserve good things can't have them. I am tearing up as I write this because there aren't enough words to tell you how badly I wanted this for you.
There already IS something wrong in a world where IF happens to such good people.
I know I'm not the only one who was there with you each step of the way. I was pulling for you more than I was pulling for myself. We were all pulling for you, and we are pulling for you in whatever you do next.
Please know that you are truly an inspiration. The huge outpouring of support you know where is proof of that. We all love you and hold your situation so dearly to our hearts. While we will never be able to share in your feelings exactly, we all know what that constant disappointment and heartbreak feels like, and we all understand the yearning you have been feeling for so long.
Please know...I don't look up to you just because you were my teacher. I look up to you because you give me so much hope. Your determination and persistence is what gets me through each negative. Your strength is what finally gets me out of bed when I "check out" at the end of each cycle. You will never know how much our conversations have pulled me through over the last few months. I am just so, so, so sorry for the awful sadness you have been dealt through these last few years.
For having no words, I sure said a lot...Let me know if you need anything. My heart goes out to you.
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2 props:
This is just absolutely the most beautiful thing I've read. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I wish I were the happy ending we both hoped for, but now it is in YOUR hands to get your happy ending, and you WILL, I just know you will. And I will be there every step of the way, cheering you on like you've done for me.
Thank you for this. I know who "she" is too. And you are 100% right on. A generous, sweet, loving woman who gives and gives. I am so glad she is my cousin.
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