Confessions of a Blogaholic

Today is 12dpo. Realistically, I only have 2 days left for a positive HPT. On the bright side, I still haven't had all the cramping and PMS symptoms I had at the end of last cycle. On the not-so-bright side, I have had slight cramping the last couple days that I would say is located in the front of my u and my left ovary==PMS? I'm neither feeling sad nor excited about these next two days. In fact, I'm pretty convinced that this cycle is yet another BFN. So, to prep myself for the (inevitable?) BFN, I'm going to give myself a little public pep-talk.

Sucky things about getting a BFN...
--Knowing that I have to do it all again
--Restarting my cycle day count
--Having to cringe when I'm around pg people and/or women with their children
--Taking MORE 1/2 days from work for u/s and b/w
--Still not being able to hang out with Alexis because of intense jealousy and unbelievable sadness for myself :(
--Necessity in buying even more HPTs (I should really buy stock in First Response)
--Waiting, waiting, waiting
--Feeling that unbelievable sadness and disappointment that results from constant BFNs
--Hearing an eerily similar unbelievable sadness and disappointment in my mom's voice when I have to call and tell her the news (or lack thereof)

Things to look forward to (and be happy about) with a BFN...
--Being able to go to Cedar Point with Nate's work on May 30
--Possible changes in my "protocol" because of my "slow response" to Clomid
--If I get pg in another month or two, my maternity leave will coincide with summer vacation and I'll get 3.5 months off (PAID!!!)
--Future cycling appointments will happen in the summer
--Still no morning sickness
--Another possibility for twins
--More time for Nathan and I to just be us.

There were definitely more negatives than positives. Damn. It's ok. I promise, I will totally be ok this time if I get the BFN.