What a difference a year makes...
10 years ago
Friday, April 10, 2009
Yesterday was my annual pap with the OB/GYN, and I got to hear the wonderful news about how unbelievably fat I am. Wonderful. Mind you, this is the first time I've ever actually met my OB in the 7 years I've been going to this office. Let's just be honest about it...I weigh 213 pounds and stand 5'8". Obviously, I am overweight. I'm not one to deny it--clearly, wearing a size 16 pants and XL shirts is overweight. I know I need to get healthy. I even know HOW to get healthy (my goodness I've read enough books on it in the last couple of years): eat less, exercise more, blah blah blah, but I don't do it.
The doc made two comments for me to ponder:
1) She asked how far Nathan and I were ready to go with the IF stuff, and I said I'm hoping the trigger worked so we won't have to answer that question. She said, "Well, if this cycle doesn't work, I'd suggest taking some time off to get your weight under control before you continue. Then, we can aggressively attack the IF in the fall when it's better timing for a teacher to get pregnant anyhow." This pretty much pissed me off. First of all, there are plenty of people who are MUCH bigger than I that get pregnant. To imply that I am so unhealthy I should wait to have kids is definitely unjustified. Second, I'm wondering if her idea of "aggressively attacking" my IF in the fall involves all of the 60-day waiting periods I was originally doing with them. Also, I'm amazed that as a doctor, she would think I could just snap my fingers in the fall and get pregnant. Why the hell would I take a break now after I've already been trying for a year in the hopes that I could magically get pregnant during the fall???
2) The second comment she made that left me thinking was..."Because you are already overweight, if you are pregnant, we would ask you to only gain 20 or 25 pounds instead of the 30 we usually like to see our patients gain." From my internet research, there is no need to gain that much weight. Some doctors say that overweight patients can gain a maximum of 15 pounds and still have a healthy pregnancy. Regardless, the very idea that I would weight between 230 and 240 pounds scared the life out of me. I cannot weigh that much. I will not weigh that much.
I came home from the appointment nearly in tears. No, that's a lie; I came home from the appointment in tears because I am so tired of having to worry about my weight. I am a FOOD ADDICT. Some people can have a box of Oreos or a candy drawer in their house from which they eat every now and then--not me. If I have a box of Oreos, I want to eat them....all....as quickly as possible. Chocolate doesn't stand a chance with me. I will eat it....all....as quickly as possible. So, after the appointment, I cried to Nathan about how I need help to get my weight under control. I can't do it myself. I need him to jump on the bandwagon with me--to go for walks with me, to help cook healthy foods with more decent-sized portions, to keep all the junk food out of the house. Luckily, he agreed. Hopefully we can (together) get in control of ourselves and our eating habits. We DON'T want to have fat kids, and being a fat pregnant lady only predisposes my baby to being fat itself (FYI--I'm not referring to that chubby baby, "Oh so cute, look at his fat little arms" fatness. I'm referring to that, "Your child is in danger of diabetes because he's 5 years old and weighs 120 pounds" fatness.).
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Oh C, I'm so sorry your OB was so incredibly insensitive. For what it is worth, I've had two reproductive endocrinologist BOTH tell me that yes, while losing weight would be a good thing, that it has no bearing on whether I'd get pregnant or not. So in my eyes, what she said to you was B.S.
You know I've recently jumped back onto the moving bandwagon. I'd LOVE a partner, a comrade, a friend to do it with me. While having John around is good and all, he doesn't need to lose the weight like I do. I've tried before to do it on my own and it hasn't worked, so if you would like to do it with someone, I'd LOVE to be your partner. You know where to find me.......
Wow. Your blog made me feel so mad at your dr. She is absolutely wrong and right. Obviously it is not the best case scenario for anyone overweight to get pregnant and gain more weight. DUH. However, my dr did not say one word, NOT ONE, about my weight through this entire process. And Let's just say I weigh more than you to begin with and I got pregnant. We even went to consult with her about whether it was a good idea because I was overweight and had high blood pressure. All she suggested was to work hard at developing healthy habits and try to keep them during pregnancy which she said she tells every woman. And she said we should get my blood pressure under control with a baby safe medicine. At no point did she suggest that having a baby was a bad idea, EVER. No timetables, nothing. She just proceeded as if Joe and I planning to have a baby was the most natural thing in the world. When I did get pregnant all she did was genuinely congratulate us and proceed as normal. She never mentioned weight until I lost some due to morning sickness. And eventually I think she suggested the typical 20-25 pounds. I am currently 34 weeks and have gained about 19 pounds and she hasn't said ONE WORD about it at all. So, I was overweight and had high blood pressure and have had a TEXTBOOK pregnancy. Granted, it isn't over yet and there are a few extra ultrasounds, etc. because of my blood pressure, but nothing about it would have me or my doctor saying that any of this was a bad idea. I would like to take your dr and smack her upside the head.
I almost forgot. I have exactly the same struggles as you regarding weight in general not considering pregnancy. I LOVE FOOD! Joe and I absolutely struggle with it every day and we are always trying to do the right thing. You are not alone. I am all for hanging out and doing it this summer together if your schedule/my baby permit! You can come over and we can test out the new stroller. You are fabulous and don't forget it!
I'm so angry with your doctor... Ugh! But I dunno if you still go to Lifestyles but I moved to Urban Active, you helped me last year.... lose what 40lbs!!! We can motivate one another again!!
Love you honey! And you know I know that it sounds crazy, but have you thought about just getting away and relaxing this summer with Nathan and trying then.... maybe you won't feel so stressed out and disappointed...
I know when you want that baby though, it's hard not to freak out and espcially it sounds like you have a very insensitve doc!! My prayers are with you more than you will ever know... I think about you daily and hope that your baby shows up soon!!!
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