Confessions of a Blogaholic

I've always had sleeping issues. Sleeping too little, sleeping too much, trouble falling asleep, trouble waking up, trouble staying asleep, sleeping too lightly, being exhausted most of the time. Anyone that knew me in high school knew I was the most unreliable person when it came to arranging plans after school because I often found myself "power napping" for three hours as soon as I got home. Most nights, I get 5 or 6 hours of sleep, which isn't bad. It would be awesome, though, if I could sleep straight through those 5 or 6 hours instead of waking at every noise or every time I roll over---you know, that whole REM sleep thing and what-not.

My problem is my brain. It WON'T FREAKING SHUT OFF. It just goes and goes. I've told Nathan I often feel like there is a mouse inside one of those little metal exercise wheels in my head. The mouse just keeps running and the wheel just keeps turning and in a somewhat cyclical manner, all the things I have on my mind repeatedly remind me that they ARE on my mind and I think about them. Ugh! It's an awful feeling to not be able to tell yourself to stop. Similarly, Nathan has a hard time understanding why I can get so exhausted from simply sitting in a chair and staring blankly--it's because my mind is busy thinking, duh! Thinking, thinking, thinking, all day and all night.

Tonight, it's all about the house news and what's going on this week with baby-making. I spent ALL evening searching online for houses (big mistake since I will spend all night thinking about those same houses). I spent part of that time getting finances in order so we can save up our down payment. I spent other parts of that time on county auditor's sites finding out the true values of various homes. I think home buying is going to be too big of a project for someone with my ADD and OCD issues to handle.

Then, there's the baby making. Thursday is my next u/s and I find out if I'm able to trigger again yet. It seems that I only recently triggered for my last cycle! Time is moving so fast. Anyhow, unlike my other 2 medicated cycles, I have felt no side effects this time. Nothing. Zip. Zilch. The first cycle, I was crampy, had headaches, felt tired and disgusting all the time for about 23 days--no O. Last cycle, I knew by CD9 that I was going to O from my left ovary because I could feel immense, constant cramping from that area. This time...nothing. I'm not sure if that should be concerning or not, but I feel like it SHOULD because I can't think of any reasons why it might be a good thing. We'll see Thursday.

The other thought in my Stewart Little spinning wheel is the fact that we only have 24 days of school left and 1 of those is early release and I have a 1/2 personal day for one. When I look at the school year from the "24 days left" perspective, I feel like I'm running out of time. I'm thankful to be so close to starting over and doing things right next time. BUT....when I look at the school year from the "160 days down!!" perspective, I feel accomplished. Satisfied. I feel like maybe I taught them something this year. Mostly, though, I'm glad to have made it through the entire year while still LOVING my job!! The honeymoon period of my career is well over, and I still love waking up and doing what I do.

Shut up, brain. Shut up!!!! I'm ready to go to sleep now.....please?