Confessions of a Blogaholic

I think my kids are genuinely well-behaved and studious this year. It amazes me how different an entire group of students can be from a previous group. Last year's kids were somewhat obnoxious--though fun to joke around with, I felt like I was already sending kids to the hall at this point. This year's kids seem pretty good. I only have 1 boy that's a bit talkative, but again, he seems like a nice kid, and he comes from a good family. (You would be amazed how often the kids' families are referred to when discussing behavior and disposition at my little teeny school!) This group can also answer my questions--unlike last year's group who seemed to completely blank during the summer, these kids seem to recall things from long ago. Fantastic.

Today, we finished reading "The Necklace" by Guy de Maupassant. Because I hear the stories 7 times a day, I got a little bored with it, but each period, I was surprised to see the kids actually react to the end of the story. I assumed that since I was bored, they had to be bored, but I was wrong. The kids even asked questions about the story, which for a teacher, is an amazing feeling--to know they are thinking about something to which you introduced them. Amazing.

I am 5 weeks and 5 days today and I still feel great. Hubs and I went for a walk this evening, and I'm feeling good. I'm still just a little crampy every now and then, and I still get super tired, but I'm still happy :) Eating lots of fruit and veggies and drinking some good ole orange juice. Who could ask for a better week 5??

Other than being tired enough to take a 2-hour nap every day when I get home from work, I'm not feeling that much. I can't even say that's baby-related, though, because I've always had to take naps after work. I don't know that they were 2 hours, but naps have always been a constant for me. No sickness, nothing else.

I did gain a couple pounds already, though, which aggravates me because since being pregnant, I have eaten better than I have at any other time in my life: salads, tons of veggies, hot sauce/chicken wraps on whole-grain tortillas, breakfast wraps (same whole-grain tortillas) with sausage, egg, and green pepper, and TONS of fruits. So, I don't get it...I don't get what I'm doing wrong. Yesterday, I decided to wear my "roomy" pair of dresspants that I could literally slide off of me without unbuttoning as of June--all of a sudden, there's not even a budge. No room to move.

I know I gained a couple of pounds from my laziness this summer, but not enough for my clothes to not fit. I feel UNBELIEVABLY BLOATED and GROSS!!! Keep away from the scale, Christina.

My students seem alright so far. All of my classes are full, and I have a couple of periods in which I don't have enough desks. We jumped right into some note-taking today (2nd day of school), and I only have 1 class period during which I must DRAG answers out of them--it's like asking questions of a brick wall!!! But, they'll talk nonstop so long as it has nothing to do with the subject! I just hope they learn something this year; even if they do spend some of my class period zoning out!

Today, I am soooooooooooooo tired. I almost feel bad for admitting that because I am JUST going back to work, and I definitely shouldn't be so exhausted already. I think (hope?) it's more baby-related than anything else. I don't really sleep when I take naps, but I lie there in and out of sleep and never feel rested when I get up.

I am so thankful to be able to feel this way. I am so thankful for this baby.

Sometimes, I feel like I need to run to the grocery store to buy some HPTs because it's been awhile since I've been crampy or experienced any symptoms. I almost worry that there is no baby, or that I'm no longer pregnant, or even (and this one is still weird) that I'm dreaming all of this and it's not real. If I could just POAS every day and still see that 2nd line, all of this would be so much easier to deal with. But, obviously, that would be WAY EXPENSIVE.

My g-ma did not receive her chemotherapy today, because her red blood cell count was too low. This is the first chemo she has had to skip entirely because of the pre-treatment work-up results. She goes next Tuesday for another try, but if her blood cells are still low, she will need a blood transfusion that day.

The other day, she was talking to my aunt (word travels like diarrhea in my family) about my baby. She said that since she doesn't know if she'll be around when it's born she wants to go to some of the ultrasounds. OF COURSE she can go to the ultrasounds, but I don't even want to think of her not being here when the baby comes along.

Back to the daily grind tomorrow, and I'm certainly a mixed bag of emotions. I'm excited for all the reasons I've already talked about on here: can't wait to see the kids, get to feel like I'm fulfilling my life purpose, enjoy teaching my subject, yada, yada, yada. But I'm also a little freaked because of all the ridiculous stress that comes along with the job.

If I could go to school, teach, enjoy my lunch, finish all my grading during my conference period, and come home to enjoy my life outside of being Mrs. H, teaching would be perfect. But, there are so many other stressors that go along with the job: dealing with parents who cannot see that their child might have done something wrong, giving up my lunches to fulfill other duties, sometimes not getting to eat all day long, meetings during conference periods, being asked (more like told) to do things outside of my contract responsibilities, grading all night just to hand the papers back and watch the kids throw them away, emails, emails, emails all day long.

This year, I'm going to find a way to balance all of this. There are more important things going on than my job (MUCH more important things!). I'm going to try to come up with one "de-stressing" tool for myself each week. Last year, I lived by the de-stressing rule that you should only touch a piece of paper once (either file it or pitch it, but don't put it in a "need to look at later" pile). This helped a bit. Some of the things I think I'm going to try this year include...

1. Only checking emails twice a day, once right before school and once immediately after school. I am not going to be a slave to my emails this year. I am not going to spend my conference period (when I could be doing more meaningful things) reading and responding to a million emails. They will wait.

2. Put a recycle bin next to my desk. I am much more likely to throw things away (instead of letting them pile up) if I don't have to walk across the room every time I want to do it.

3. When an email makes me mad, upset, stressed, or doesn't apply to me, I'm going to delete it before I have the chance to fixate on how it makes me feel. "Oops, I didn't get it!" is much easier than spending my entire night obsessing about how mad the email made me.

4. My mantra for the year is: "This is just my job. I am having a baby. I'm going to be a mom. There is nothing, NOTHING more important to me than that."

5. This is the unfortunate one...I'm going to spend less time eating lunch with the other teachers in the lounge. I find there are things that happen that I don't think twice about...until I go to the lounge. Then, I get all fired up about stuff that never would have crossed my mind! There is nothing more stressful than that.

Any other de-stressing tips you can think of that I can implement this year? I'm seriously thinking about printing a little list out for myself and keeping it next to my computer (I have a cubby cabinet), so I am always reminded about my plan.

Earlier, I was sitting around in my underwear and bra (ya know how it is) taking my nail polish off. I had the remover on my lap--it was the kind with the sponge that you shove your finger in. Suddenly, my phone rang, and I leaned over precariously to answer it.

I felt a sudden wave of wetness right between my legs and realized I had just dumped the whole container of remover all over my crotch!!! I jumped up and ripped my underwear off. Then, of course, my whole crotch was burning!! I kept thinking, "Damn, I've already killed this baby!!!" Ok, I know I didn't hurt the baby because there's no way that stuff made it anywhere other than on my skin, but it was funny.

So, for the first time since Friday, I had an almost pain-free, cramp-free night! I only woke up one time to sit up and cradle myself as a result of cramps. I actually told Nathan today that if I had never tested and had no clue what was going on, I probably would've made him take me to the emergency room by Tuesday night.

I can't describe what all of this is feeling like right now. All of those words that we reserve for times when we can't think of anything else to say...beautiful, gorgeous, fantastic, sublime, love...those words that even after we say them, we know they're not enough to truly say what we mean...those are the things I'm feeling right now. This is such an awesome and amazing experience.

Baby-free discussion- If you haven't had the tortilla chicken salad from O'Charley's, you are definitely missing out. YUM-O! (I just gagged on my Rachel Ray reference since she played that saying out about 7 years ago) Orientation is tonight. I've got a new shirt, but no new shoes :( Whatever. I'm pumped.

81. My number did a little more than double (in less than 48 hours, mind you!). I can finally relax a little bit. I feel like someone decided it is finally my turn, someone found the perfect little soul to send to me, and I can't see this not working out. My next appointment is an ultrasound at 7 weeks (September 14). By my calculations, and those of my innumerable resources, lol, I am 4 weeks as of today.

In honor of trying not to talk about all things baby...

School starts next week. Freshman orientation is tomorrow, and I can't wait to meet the kids. Last year, I was cornered, for lack of a better term, by several Honors parents who wanted to know everything about what I was teaching. I had only found out a few days prior that I WAS teaching an Honors class, so I'm sure you can imagine how flustered and terrible I was during their interrogation. This year, I am much more confident and prepared. I can take any questions they throw at me.

This school year, I'm going to take it easy on myself. I'm going to do what I can and NOT do what I CAN'T do. I've got more important things cooking (haha) than just my job. Speaking of more important things...when do you think I should tell my principal that I'm going to be on maternity leave the last month of school? I've put a little poll on my blog page for your feedback. I'm not sure how soon I should do it, but I want to give him time to prepare.