Confessions of a Blogaholic

Sad day...Ok, not really, but I am keeping my fingers crossed that this baby will come sooner rather than later!

Baby did perfectly on the nonstress test. Baseline HB of 140bpm and A-cells (you want to see a spike of at least 15bpm for at least 15 sec at least 2 times in 20 minutes) of 160bpm. The good ole' placenta is still doing its job.

Next appointment is next Thursday. I will be 37 weeks by then. After that, we have another growth ultrasound at 38 weeks to check baby's weight, but I'm still hoping and praying that I go into labor before then!

Still sick. Feeling like poop. Good thing I'm off work this week!

I'm in the middle of spring break and I can honestly say I'll be ready for a vacation next week, lol.

Moving has been tough. I don't feel like I've done much since I can't lift and all that, but it has been mentally and physically exhausting. I would NEVER recommend moving this late in pregnancy, ESPECIALLY if you're going from an apartment to a house. I have to thank all of the awesome people who have been coming over the last few days to help us get our house set up. My mom helped out with load after load of laundry (mostly baby stuff from the shower) as well as putting things away. While I may not know where most of our stuff is at this moment, I am so glad it has been put away. Nate's mom has been coming over to paint and we're almost finished with the painting we plan to do right now. We've got a few rooms (dining room, sitting room, bedrooms, etc.) that are going to be just sitting for awhile. Also have to thank the men...Bill, Kirby, Nate, and Brian, who did all of the heavy lifting--ok, ok, ALL of the LIFTING--and got all of our stuff moved in.

The living room furniture came today, so we have everything we bought/ordered in the house at this point. Now, it's just a matter of putting things away.

The house is looking awesome. I'll post some before and after pictures as soon as we get some rooms complete :)

In baby news, I am absolutely ready to be done being pregnant. I know I've said it before, but it feels like every day I feel worse...every day I have some new symptom...and every day I feel that much more finished with being pregnant. My newest symptom is a lovely numbness in my fingers. It's just my fingertips, mainly my thumbs, index, and middle fingers on both hands, but they are pretty much numb most of the day. I read online about pregnancy induced carpal tunnel syndrome, and I'm hoping that's what it is. It is super obnoxious and annoying, though, and it's kept me awake most nights for about the last week. It's hard to do things (dry hair, put baby furniture together, cook, eat...) when you can't feel your thumbs!

Midwife appointment tomorrow. I know it's bad, but I'm almost hoping I'll be one step closer to being induced...Nathan wants at least another week to get settled in, though.

I still haven't had a free opportunity to work on the thank you cards from the baby shower, so if you're waiting on one, give me just a little more time before you start considering how rude I am. I'm trying, I promise!

Finally, Lifestyle communities suck. DO NOT rent from them. EVER. We had the WORST apartment move-out experience with them, so TRUST ME...DO NOT RENT FROM LIFESTYLE!!!

EDIT: I should add...Neither Nathan nor I feel like we are bragging about our home when we talk about it. To be honest, neither of us feel like this is really happening. It's as if we are talking about someone else's house---"Look at the garden tub in these people's house!! Isn't it awesome!!" We feel so lucky to even have FOUND this home, not to mention to be able to AFFORD it!! Are we proud? Oh, absolutely. We are so proud of all the work we've done in 7.5 years to get to this point. But, we aren't bragging. We love this house, but it's going to take some time before we feel like it is truly ours.

NOW I am feeling a little stressed, a little anxious, a little overwhelmed. I've managed to keep it all in check and under control for the last 3 months, but now everything is hitting me like a brick. This is going to be one HELLUVA week, and I'm so nervous/anxious/stressed that I've been stuck to the bathroom all evening.

I have lists everywhere...lists of things to do for school (including all of my end-of-year paperwork and inventory, just in case I don't come back from spring break as a result of my 36-week midwife appointment), lists of things for my advisor activites (final requisitions, payments, instructions for the sub), copies to make for the next few weeks and units to get organized and sorted for the substitute, lists of things for the house including who is going where and doing what during the move and where our furniture is located (we have dressers/couch to pick up at Geemz's, cedar chest and bed from MIL's, desk and assorted other things in our trailer), and finally, lists of things to buy as soon as we are in the house (including baby essentials that we didn't get at the shower and replacement items for things we are throwing away when we move, like the kitchen trashcan).

I mean, there are so many lists I could really just use a notebook to keep everything organized. Worse than the lists themselves is the knowledge that I will ultimately forget many things and have to find time to take care of them.

This is going to be a mess. I'm already a mess. I hope I can find the time and peace of mind to sleep at night!

It was the day I feel like I have been waiting for since the moment I saw that second pink line on the stick. Today was finally my baby shower.

I have to thank my friend Alexis for the amount of effort she put into throwing such an awesome shower. I honestly think it was one of the best showers I have been to, and even some of the guys in attendance said they had a good time. I also have to thank my mom because I know she was set on doing anything she could to make the shower a great one...and it absolutely was. It was a fun and perfect day!

Pictures to follow as soon as I get them from my mom and have an opportunity to sit down and load them.

Tomorrow and Monday, I have to sort through all the amazing stuff we got and consolidate it into smaller bags/boxes for the move. This week will be filled with packing, cleaning, paperwork, planning, shopping, and ultimately (on Sunday) moving. I am so glad next week (beginning the 29th) is Spring Break. Maybe I'll actually get a chance to get moved into the house and SLEEP at some point :)

Well, if it's not one thing....it's another!

Went for a growth ultrasound on Thursday because Baby has been measuring about 2 weeks ahead consistently since about 24 weeks. Luckily, Baby is average size, so no problems in that area.

I do, however, have an "aging placenta." Have you even heard of such a thing??? It's basically the calcification of the placenta, which generally happens a little closer to deliver. The placenta gradually hardens and cuts off blood and oxygen flow to the baby. Again, totally normal, but not necessarily at only 34 weeks.

Doctor said it is a Grade 1, which is toward the low end of the 4 grades. Although what I am finding online is that the grades are 0, 1, 2, 3 not 1, 2, 3, 4. He said this is generally a condition found in smokers (WHICH I AM NOT!!!), but not totally uncommon in white females. Moving forward...my next appointment is at 36 weeks (about a week and a half), and from that point on, I will have a non-stress test and ultrasound at each of my weekly appointments. He said IF the baby is showing signs of distress, we will induce immediately.

So, obviously, I'm a little freaked about the whole thing. I had been planning on at least another 6 weeks of incubation before Rylee comes along. Now, it could be much faster than that. I know it's unlikely that I'll go in for my next appointment and find out that I have to be induced that night, but I'm still a little worried that something like that would happen. After all, my friend had her first at 37 weeks, which is ONLY 3 weeks away. It really could be any time, potentially.

Or....nothing could happen. My placenta could stay at a Grade 1 until my due date, which is still officially the same. It's a waiting game.

...but, I'm getting my hospital bag together next weekend just in case!

I haven't written in my blog in 10 days! That's got to be some sort of record :)

Today has been a busy day. I've been trying desperately to get things cleaned and packed in the house so we're ready for our move on the 26th. Luckily, I've discovered the value of a shared "To Do List". You see, I've started a Word doc to do list on my computer, and Nathan has access to it. So, as I think of more things to do, I add them to the list. As he gets free time on his days off, he checks the list and does the things he can do and deletes them from the list. Then, on my days off, I do the same thing. It's actually incredibly productive! I don't have to keep telling him over and over again to do things, and this week alone, he helped whittle my list down from 15 things to less than 5. It has been awesome, and it's so handy.

Since you're so interested, let me tell you how my next few weeks are looking....This week, I'll be 34 weeks along on Thursday. We're off to see the midwife for that growth scan I talked about last time. Saturday is the baby shower, and I am sooooooo excited for it! Next week, we close on the house on Thursday and move into the house on Saturday. Luckily, the week of March 29 is spring break at school, so I'll have time to accomplish the following things...painting, moving, assembling, putting things away, hospital tour, family doctor appointments, another midwife appointment.

Then, it's April 5, and I'll have 3.5 weeks of school left until my maternity leave.

Everything is great. I'm so glad that all of this is coming together so nicely!

I feel like I'm carrying 4 babies in my belly. She is always on the go rolling and kicking and making my ribs ache and my lungs hurt. I know...it's only going to get worse, but man, sometimes I just wish she'd take a little nap.

I have a growth ultrasound scheduled for Thursday the 18th because Baby is still consistently measuring two weeks ahead. Midwife says she could be a big baby or I could just have a long torso. She felt around and said it doesn't feel like the baby is extra large or anything, but the ultrasound will give us peace of mind.

Ultrasounds can be off by + or - 1 pound, so after the ultrasound, she said we will need to discuss our options. It is possible, according to her, that Rylee could be a 10-pound baby, or (again) she could be a nice average-sized 7-pound baby. She said we need to consider whether or not a c-section would be a better option based on the results of the u/s. But, she said, it is completely possible to birth a 9- or 10-pound baby naturally (and she's seen women do it...holy cow!!).

Baby is head down now (yay!), but I kind of knew this because of the amount of pressure in my pelvis. I am pretty much always sore, and I DREAD standing up. Just the process of moving from a comfortable sitting position to a standing position causes me the most intense heaviness and pain in my pelvic region. Shoo...pain, pain, pain.

(*Sending loving thoughts skyward...straight to her!*)

I cried at the funeral. Like a baby. I bawled and felt my heart break into pieces. I felt my soul aching for someone who isn't there anymore. I cried a tear for every moment, every memory, every conversation, and every exchange that will never happen again. I sobbed into Nathan's shoulder and was so thankful he was there for me. Today, I felt the sorrow that I have been so desperately burying deep under a pile of other to-do's. I watched the casket close and knew it was over.

And now...I try to live a life that my grandmother would appreciate. Someone said to me today that if we have learned nothing from Ray and Mildred (my grandparents) we have sure learned how to treat other people with dignity, respect, and care, and we have learned how best to love our families. Though I may not totally believe it, it is a comfort to think there is life after death. And if there IS life after death, and if Mammaw and Pappaw ARE keeping an eye on me from some ethereal place, then the best way to honor their memory and keep them alive is to continue/begin to live a life that upholds these values.

They are never coming back, but they have left their legacy on this world. I will wait, patiently, for this pain to pass. There will come a day when I won't pick up my phone and press speed dial #5 to call Mammaw as I have done so frequently in the past. There will come a time I won't be scared to look at the ga.hanna.scho.ools website just to see if her name is still listed as the the trans. supervisor. Some day, I'll realize that my "big news!" calling list is now only two people long and not 3. Some day I won't sit here and wipe away the tears while I type a blog. All in due time, I'm sure...

Until then...I need to begin working toward living up to the standards they so graciously set for all of us. I want to walk with the dignity they carried. I want to love and understand my husband the way they loved and understood each other (something, I'm sure, that only comes after 50 years of marriage!). I want to take pride in small accomplishments and do without expecting things to be done. I want to be close to my family. What better way to remember them than to work toward being more like them?