Confessions of a Blogaholic

...these wallops in my gut are too enjoyable to miss :)

As of next Wednesday, I'm on my every two week appointment schedule. I have completely mixed emotions about this...I know time is going to go fast, and for that, I am excited. But at the same time, I wish it would slow down just a little bit; give me a moment to breathe. And not just in terms of the baby, but time to breathe in general.

Because as excited as I am about being a day closer to Rylee's birth, I also feel like each passing day is a day closer to losing my g-ma forever.

When g-pa got really sick, I kept him laughing. I was over at their house SO MUCH just to sit and talk to him. I joked with him, called him "Old Man", listened to his stories about drink Jack Daniel's as a kid (I still have a hard time believing that one), hitch hiking up 23 when hitch hiking was still an economical and relatively safe way to get around, accidentally picking up a male prostitute in Whi.tehall, thinking he was just helping a kid out :) I listened to him, I helped him "empty out" all the stuff he was trying to get rid of ("You need any toilet paper? She has a 36-pack in that extra bedroom. Take that home with you!"), I fed him grapefruit while he would still eat, and I tried my best to make him smile and keep him smiling. Right up until that last day when I was lucky enough to hear his final words, "It don't look too good, does it?" just hours before he passed away, I tried to keep him happy. I know in my heart I did everything I possibly could as his granddaughter to make his last year comfortable and enjoyable, and I did all the things in my life that I knew would make him (and my g-ma) proud of me.

In fact, just a week or so ago, I was going through my dressers to clean them out, and I ran across a birthday card my g-parents gave me when I lived in Chillicothe. Inside was a receipt for a gas gift card my g-pa had gotten me; though he NEVER wrote in b-day cards himself, he had taken a minute to write on that receipt. ON one side was his practicality: "Keep this, so they know it's good" (in reference to the gift card), and on the other side: "You have made me so proud of you." And, I know I did.

I feel like I am trying my best to do the same for g-ma. I keep her laughing by cracking on her, and she adds to my memory bank by cracking back on me. One day, she said, "You don't have to come over here to babysit me," and I responded, "I don't know where you got it in your head that I was coming over here for YOU. Nathan's not home and I don't feel like sitting around by myself. I'm just using you to keep myself occupied." :) She cracked up...and since, she often says, "I'm glad you got to see me" when I leave. She tells me how proud she (and Pappaw) is of me, and she talks to me like I'm a friend rather than a granddaughter. I hate to think of her being gone...I hate to think about how much memories HURT when my g-pa died, and I have so many more memories of just she and I on our road trips, hanging out together, going to dinner...I hate to think about how much my memories of her are going to hurt one day. I hate to think about how all of this laughter and all of her wise cracks are eventually going to come back to haunt me and make me feel empty. I hate to think that I will someday soon not have any close grandparents anymore.

But again, I know in my heart I have done and am doing everything I can to make her happy and to help her feel comfortable. She's such a stubborn old lady! I admire how much support my own mother is providing for her, and I know I would be doing the exact same thing if my own mom were going through this...

I adore my g-ma, which makes every day of excitement for Rylee that much more difficult. Each day closer to saying hello to my baby is a day closer to saying goodbye to my most beloved grandmother. Utter excitement tainted by complete sadness :(

You know that theory that says your body will either increase adrenaline to fight in a situation or basically shut down to "flight" from a situation when faced with high stress? Apparently, my natural urge when faced with too much is "flight" in the form of instantaneous sleep.

I walked into the apartment today to see a packet of about an inch in thickness sitting on our couch. I opened it, realized it was ALL paperwork about the loan for the house, got geared up to sit down and begin going through it, grabbed a pen, had a seat, got comfortable...

and passed out for 2 hours. Dead asleep. It's 6:45 now, and I haven't looked at a single paper yet, lol.

I'm not a mushy-gushy person. I never have been. The hubs and I are definitely not the people you will see fawning over each other in the frozen foods aisle at the grocery store, nor will we ever be the adults acting like children and making out in the back of the movie theater. We're just not those kinds of people. We love each other, obviously, but we don't feel the need (and never really have) to pronounce that love over and over again so everyone can hear it (hence our wedding in Vegas!). We just are.

For the most part, he drives me nuts, lol. There are many things about him that make me cringe, stress me out, make my blood pressure rise. As our time with each other continues to fly by, I still find there are things about him that I'm learning to adjust to, things I may not like, but they make him HIM, and I have to figure out how to be comfortable with that. For each day that passes, we are still learning how to talk to each other, what to accept and what to address. Yes, he drives me crazy with his snoring and the way he smacks his belly and stretches every time he looks in the fridge (haha...he'll hate me for that one!). He DEFINITELY drives me nuts when he talks in his sleep and tries to sell things to people in his dream ("You want this pack of pens? I'll sell it to you for $2"). His impulsiveness and inability to think about the future are diametrically opposed to my need to plan and think through every move I make. The fact that the man tends to have more clothes than I at any single point in time but STILL takes longer than me to find something to wear is entirely annoying!! In 7.5 years, I've found there is a laundry list of my hubs' idiosyncracies that absolutely make me nuts.

But there are many, many more things about him that I appreciate enough to forgive most of his "habits". And because I don't spend enough time shouting my love for him from the treetops (it'll never happen!), I want to take a minute now to list some of the things he does that I appreciate and love about him...

1. He is a little workhorse. Think of any project at any time during any season, and Nathan will work, work, work until it is done. Every time we have moved, he has steadily worked throughout the day to move things into a U-H.aul and into the apartments, while I have had to "rest" after carrying a lamp! Today, for instance, he is busying himself with replacing a door in our apartment, and it has turned into QUITE the project (door is .25" too big, but they don't make it in the exact size). Instead of giving up or getting pissed, he's been working away at this project for 5 hours. His dedication to projects is amazing.

2. When we go to the grocery store, he always goes to grab the cart and uses the sanitizing wipes on it before handing the cart to me because he KNOWS how much of a germaphobe I am.

3. When we bring groceries home, he lets me wait inside while he unloads all of the bags. It's like he has his own little competition going on with himself to see how many bags he can carry at once.

4. He drives whenever we go anywhere, which I love because I HATE driving.

5. I think I've maybe pumped my gas 10 times in the last 7.5 years because he always does it for me. ("I thought that's what men were supposed to do," he says.)

6. He is ALWAYS there for me when I screw something up. For example, I just broke yet another laptop power cord the other day, and when I tried to fix it myself, I pretty much electrocuted myself because I didn't unplug the cord before I started (duh!). He came home, stripped the wires, twisted wire A around B, wrapped the whole contraption in electrical tape and BOOM new power cord.

7. When it comes to cars, he can diagnose or at least give a general idea of every problem. If I need an oil change or air in my tires, or if I can't get my "Check oil" light to go off, he can do it.

8. Even though he snores all night and takes up so much room in the bed, he is SO COMFORTABLE to lean against--especially now that I've got this extra weight to roll around with. Also, he's like the werewolves in T.wilight--108 degrees or something when he sleeps. It's like having my own personal furnace when I'm tossing and turning.

9. He has cleaned the litter boxes himself throughout my pregnancy.

10. He can cook and LIKES to cook!! In fact, there are several things he makes better than I do! Pancakes and eggs are definitely his specialty.

11. I love the way he gets excited talking about the baby. He was so pumped to get to put the baby furniture together (his first real duty as a dad), but unfortunately, expensive furniture (apparently) comes pre-assembled in the box, lol.

12. He will go to the store to buy me tampons (not recently, obviously). I think it's like a point of pride for him to stand in the aisle, pick them out, and carry them through the store. I think it makes him feel like more of a man.

13. I like that he likes to sit down at the table, just the two of us, to eat dinner. The only times in 7.5 years that we've eaten in front of the tv is when we have eaten at separate times or when the table has crap on it. I like that eating together is important to him.

14. If I want anything at any time, he goes and gets it for me. Last night, I had to have a burger and fries at 1:30am, and he went to get it.

15. The things I love the most about him are the things he does without expecting me to notice. He never rubs it in that he does all the stuff I've listed...he just does it, like it's a responsibility that he enjoys. He doesn't put these things on any sort of "You owe me" list...he does them and never mentions them again.

I could literally go on and on about the things I love. Sometimes I find I get so wrapped up in being annoyed that I forget to be thankful for the ways he makes my life easier. He does a lot for me, and even though we disagree on a lot (what's a married couple if you don't disagree???), I am thankful every day to have someone in my life who is here to share half of my burdens. I depend on him for so much more than I ever give him credit for (did you know when you have a significant other, best friend, etc. that you depend on them for 50% of your memory? You tell them things or things happen to the two of you, and while you'll only maintain 1/2 the memory, your "other" will save the other 1/2????), and I'm happy that he's here for me to depend on.

So, here, I'll shout it from the rooftops just this one time...I love my husband and I am so lucky to have him as my best friend, my hemorrhoid :), and my hubs. You're great, Nathan, and don't let my b*tching or nagging lead you to believe otherwise!!

First, I have to say thanks to Christa, who gave me a blog award :)



The rules of the Lemonade Award are...
1. Put the Lemonade logo on your blog or within your post.
2. Nominate at least 10 blogs with great attitude or gratitude
3. Let the nominees know they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
4. Share the love and link to the person from whom you receive this award.

See the bottom of this post for my list of awardees :)

Baby Ry is still doing wonderfully. She is a VERY active little one. I pretty much feel her ALL THE TIME now; there's maybe a few hours or so a day where my intestines get some relief. My lung is still out of breathing room, I'm still constantly dying for sweets and junk food, and my belly seems to grow exponentially every day! I love this, but I can't wait to meet the baby in 14 weeks.

Random comment...has anyone else here seen He.idi Mo.ntag's new body after her 10 PLASTIC SURGERIES?!?! Talk about someone who looks absolutely sad and soulless when she speaks. So sad...so, so, SO sad.

The home buying process is still coming along swimmingly. There's a little disagreement about the price/value of the necessary window repairs, but for us, that is DEFINITELY NOT a deal-breaker. We are so in love with this house, and as far as I am concerned, we'll be moving into it one way or another on March 29.

Exam week is almost over, which means it's back to the regular grind on Monday. I'm excited, though, because 3rd quarter is my busiest quarter. Plus, I LOVE both of the books my kids are reading (Hunger G.ames in E9 and The Ch.ocolate War in HE9). They're going to love the books.

Ok, back to the award...My nominees (and I have to remember to comment and tell them) are...
1. Carla's Corner
2. Sarah Dashner Photography, who takes wonderful pictures, which will come in handy when her baby girl twins come along :)
3. Greek Wife's "Blogging while Blond"
4. Kim @ "Dish Baby"--Can't wait for her to post pics of her twin girls!!
5. Christa @ Fearlessly Infertile, who did an AWESOME overhaul of her blog's appearance recently (and her approach to IF)...good luck, girl as you take this cycle by storm!
6. Kristen @ "The Road Less Traveled"--I know she doesn't post much anymore, being blogged out, but I love being able to keep up with her life. One of the most amazing people I've ever had the good fortune to run across in my life!!

There are several other people whose blogs I follow religiously, but due to recent happenings in their lives, I don't think it's appropriate to bestow an award like this on them :( I can't imagine what these ladies are going through, but my heart goes out to them...

1. Midwife appointment today. Am now switching to appointments every 2 weeks. She said my weight gain is spot on--exactly where it should be, which makes me feel a little less cowish. Baby is doing very well with a very strong heartbeat that the midwife finds immediately every time. The good ole' ute is measuring 27 weeks, so a little ahead. Glucose test at next appointment. Fun times :)

2. The home passed the inspection with flying colors. Just a couple of minor things to be fixed (clean the chimney flue, clean the garden tub drain, replace counterbalances on the windows), and one "major" thing (cost= approx $1500), to replace a couple of the windows whose seals have broken and are accumulating condensation. We'll see what comes of our "request to remedy" paperwork, but all-in-all, those are pretty small repairs.

3. My windshield on my Jeep cracked for the second time in less than a year. Perfect timing for that one, but we're waiting until the house is settled to do anything about it.

4. Exams this week, which means a relatively light workload for me. Then, we start the research paper which is a helluva project until mid-March.

5. Baby shower is scheduled and I'm pretty excited about the whole thing.

6. Slowly but surely beginning to pack and clean for the big move. So much exciting stuff going on!

since I'm a HUGE blabbermouth and think that EVERYONE wants to know EVERY detail of my entire existence...

WE GOT THE HOUSE!!!!!!

I keep coming to my blog to look at the pictures I posted the other day. I CANNOT believe we are going to be the owners of that home on March 29. How exciting! Plus, the way our mortgage works out, we will only be paying a couple hundred more a month FOR A HOUSE!!! I feel so satisfied and content with this whole thing!

Already??? Seriously??? I don't know what it is about getting older, but it seems like every year of my life just goes faster and faster. As my "To-Do" list gets longer, I have less and less time to get it done!

On the list now...
--Call tax lady
--Schedule hospital walk-through for February
--Get these people to accept the terms in our offer for their house!!
--Semester exams in a week
--Baby appointment next Monday
--Alexis' boy's b-day party next Saturday (must remember to ask what we can get him that is decent in price since we're scrounging!)
--Buy said b-day gift
--Grade exams
--Get grades into progress book for Qtr 2 and Semester
--Print and copy stuff for Qtr 3
--Fax all offer paperwork tomorrow morning
--Send thank you card to Nate's uncle

This list goes on and on...Luckily, I'm organized to a fault, so it will all get accomplished, but the minute one thing is crossed off, another 4 are in line to take its place. Such is life, though, eh? During the summers, when I'm off, I NEVER have a to-do list, because the minute I think of something that needs done, I do it. No waiting. No lists. I've got nothing but time, so I do it. I'm sure all of that will change this summer, though...

Speaking of the baby coming along, I really need my organs to stop pressing on my right lung. What started as a small problem a month ago when I would sit down too long has turned into a persistent and extremely painful ache in my right lung and upper back. You know how when you run (which I don't do) you sometimes get that painful "stitch" or cramp in your side, and to make it stop you stretch your arms above your head? Yeah, that "stitch" is what I am now feeling MOST of the time, except no amount of stretching makes it go away. It is EXTREMELY painful, and it feels like there is just no room in my chest for all of my body parts. I hope that like the sciatic nerve pain I had for a couple months, this goes away soon. I certainly can't stand up every minute of every day until the baby comes, ya kno?

Back to school tomorrow. Looks like no snow this week, so nothing to look forward to as far as days off or late arrivals. Good thing, though, since exams are next week and the kiddos need all the review time they can get!