Confessions of a Blogaholic

First, some pictures...

Here's Baby at 3 months, 1 week loving her bath time. Just 3 months ago, baths were like torture for my little lady, but now she absolutely loves them.



She's got excellent head control now and when she wants to, she will hold herself up for loooooong periods of time.



These last few pictures are from about 2 1/2 months. Here she is finally enjoying her Bumbo. She now loves sitting in it at the dinner table while Daddy and I eat.



Merlot decided she needed to be babied and plopped her behind down in Ry's Boppy.



This WAS Ry's favorite toy and favorite place to be until recently. When we first started using the play gym, she would just lay there and look at the toys. Now, she not only reaches for, grabs, and pulls on the toys, she rolls herself to the side to stick them in her mouth. Her NEW favorite toy and place to be is the walker at her Mammaw's house (pics to come).



On to the business...

This will be my last week home with my baby until next summer (not including vacations like Christmas break that go by too fast, anyhow). I am a complete mix of emotions.

On one hand, I am glad to go back to school. As I've said a bajillion times before, I love teaching, and I can't wait to be back in my classroom. Plus, being away from Ry during the day will allow me to actually and fully enjoy the time I have with her in the evenings and on weekends.

On the other hand, I am going to miss so much. For 9-10 hours a day, 4-5 days a week, she is going to be with someone else. Someone else is going to get to watch her grow, feed her, comfort her, and play with her. She's going to be looking into someone else's face when she smiles and laughs.

I'm also a little nervous that going back to work will inevitably lead to the end of my ability to breastfeed. Right now, my schedule at work is totally conducive to pumping, which is awesome. But the few times I've tried to pump at work over the summer when I've gone in (with NO ONE there!), I've been so nervous that someone would unlock my door and walk in on me (despite the "Do not disturb" sign I posted over the keyhole) that I've barely been able to pump anything. It's like pee anxiety--you know, when you go to the bathroom and can't pee because people can hear--it's the same type of feeling. I keep reminding myself, though, that I've already breastfed for a lot longer than most moms are able because of my delayed return to work.

I'm just a mess of emotions right now. I feel like I've been away from the world for the last 4 months--no classes, no work, no meetings, no stacks to grade, nothing. Just me, my home, and my family. In one week, though, it's back to reality. I'm going to miss this little vacation I have had since April 21...