What a difference a year makes...
11 years ago
Monday, August 30, 2010
I am feeling so swamped right now. Not stressed because I'm not facing any real deadlines, but swamped beyond any stretch of the imagination. I feel like parts of me are being pulled and stretched thin like those old Gumby toys that you could pull on. I regret all the times I have ever complained about having too much on my plate because I now know what having too much on my plate feels like. I regret ever complaining about being tired, because now I know what being tired is truly like. I run all day on what little steam I have (fueled by coffee, yo!).
There's this pressure hanging around me that makes me feel like I have to be the perfect ____________ (fill in the blank). I need to be the perfect mom by making sure I spend all my evening hours with Rylee, remembering/taking time/making pumping a priority, bending my wants to meet her schedule (I may WANT to read Catching Fire, but my ability to o so depends on her need to sleep or be fussy!). I need to be the perfect teacher: lessons won't plan themselves, a positive classroom environment depends on a positive teacher, the grading fairy won't make a stop in my class anytime soon. I want to be the perfect homemaker, but cleaning, cooking, and grocery shopping (hell, getting in the shower myself!) take time; time that I can't find anymore. I would like to be the perfect wife, but that went out the window the first week we were married, lol. I am pressure to be the perfect woman: multitasker, preparer, rememberer, planner, organizer, bill payer, the essence of patience.
I'm working so hard to be all of these things, but I'm failing to find the time to complete all the tasks that go along with them. I used to say there wasn't enough time in the day to do everything that needed to be done, but I could still find time in those days to watch TV and take naps. Now, I say, "There isn't enough time in the day," and I truly mean it. I could stay up for 24 hours doing, doing, doing, and by the end of the 24-hour mark, I'd still have a laundry list of things to complete.
Must find balance. Must find balance. Must find balance. Must find myself buried in all these "To-Do's".
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3 props:
Oh girl, I know what you mean....the saying " A woman's work is never done" hits home. I told my mom the other day, I feel like I am doing some of everything and doing nothing well. And I don't even work out of the home, I can't imagine that extra add on to your already full plate. Best of luck girl, you will find balance, it just takes time.
You are amazing. Just take every day as it comes, and I've found that if you don't acknowledge the fact that you're stressed, you don't feel it as much. =)
At this point just making sure you are still alive lol! JK It's been awhile since you've blogged. Hope all is well and that things are settling into a nice, smooth routine for you guys! ~Carla~
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