Confessions of a Blogaholic

This has been a heckuva week, and it's only Wednesday.

Since last Thursday, I've been really sick. I have had a cold/sinus infection that JUST. WON'T. QUIT. and Saturday I was hunched over the toilet for several hours puking my guts out. Sunday, I slept. All day. Too tired and too sick to do anything worthwhile.

Monday was a yearbook workshop, so I had a sub all day. Once we got back to the school from that, I had to leave immediately to get to the RE for my 9w4d u/s. The baby is getting bigger--it's an inch long now and you can finally decipher some of its parts. I was wiggling around in there, flopping its arm and leg "buds" (or wings as I prefer to call them). Too fantastic.

Tuesday I worked and busted butt all day. Then, my mom took me out for my birthday. I was definitely appreciative of her for taking me out but I was soooo damn tired. She also took me shopping for my first pair of maternity pants and a sweater--she does too much for me. Seriously.

Today I worked and busted butt and had meetings after school that lasted until 6:00. Got home, ate leftovers from last night, and now I am really considering going on to bed for the night. Again, sooo tired.

I've been getting sick since Thursday night when I had one of those sleepless nights where every breath burns the back of your throat. It was a full-blown sinus infection by yesterday (Saturday). I felt disgusting yesterday. I was also in the midst of battling some day-long morning sickness, so the porcelain throne was my BFF for most of the morning and afternoon. Today, I woke up feeling a little better--I can breathe intermittently, which is a serious accomplishment--but while in the midst of getting my sore and tired body out of the bed, I had the craziest, biggest sneeze ever and gave myself some crazy whiplash. So, it looks like I'll be spending today not turning my head too far to the right or left and not bending over. Who gives themselves whiplash from sneezing?!? Oh, that's right...I do!

Ultrasound tomorrow...yay! We should be able to see arms, legs, head, and body at this one (as opposed to the blob we've been seeing at the ultrasounds). The baby was 1.1 cm at the last u/s and should have tripled in size by now to over 3 cm. Can't wait to see the little bean!

Side note: I can't stand Rachel Ray anymore with all her GBs and Yum-Ohs and Sammies.

I can honestly say that quitting smoking was one of the most difficult things I ever had to do. I quit on January 1, 2007, cold turkey, after 4 years of smoking. I was sick of it. I hated doing it. I hated smelling like it. I hated coughing in the middle of my sentences. I hated having to make time in my schedule for a freaking cigarette, and I especially hated trying to gather pennies so I could buy another pack.

I went through weeks of hell--luckily, Hubs was driving semi at the time and gone for weeks at a time. I would snap at my students, freak out about the dumbest things, sleep, sleep, and sleep, and I also worked out to keep my mind off it (lost 25 pounds, most of which I've gained back in just this last summer, though, ugh!). Having been through it, I KNOW how hard it is to quit. I KNOW what it feels like to be ready to chew your lip off just to have something to do with your mouth. I know you feel like crap while you're going through it, but...I did it. Every day, I told myself, "Just one more day. Make it one more day, and you'll be ok." And every day, I made it just one more day. I did it. I no longer feel any desire AT ALL to smoke.

Hubs, however, has smoked for as long as I've known him (7 years), and from what I hear, he started smoking when his mom started buying his cigarettes when he was 15. I've bugged him every now and then about the amount of money he wastes on cigarettes, and I've discreetly reminded (ok, nagged) him what we COULD be doing with the money he drops on his pack-a-day habit. But, I've always known that he would quit when he was ready. I've trusted that he would eventually quit, because he would see the VALUE in quitting.

This week was his third time trying in the last couple of months. The last 2 times, he made it to day 3 with the Nicotine patches before he caved and smoked again. This week, he made it halfway through day 4 before caving. The thing that pisses me off about his caving is his need to buy A WHOLE CARTON when he caves instead of just getting a pack, he buys a WHOLE CARTON!! So, it's as if he just wasted the last 4 days to do it all over again.

I'm definitely not anti-smokers. I don't care what other people do with their bodies, but I wish he would just make a decision and quit. Sheesh!

I always thought I'd be one to jump all over the epidural bandwagon. I thought I'd be screaming for drugs the minute I felt any pain. Today, for the first time, I started seriously thinking about not having the epidural or getting the epidural put in but having no drugs unless I absolutely felt like I would die.

So, I am doing research into the "no intervention" childbirth thing. TRUST ME--I'm not considering this to win any awards or anything. I'm not interested in getting a cookie for a "more painful" experience. If I decided to go with no interventions, it would make me no more or less of a woman than any other lady. Nor am I a hippie who chooses to go "natural," I could honestly care less about all of that.

Here's some reasons why I am seriously considering it...
1) Millions of women for thousands of years have been doing it without the epidural and have been fine.
2) The pain will pass.
3) After the birth, women who do not have an epidural are able to get up and move around within a couple hours.
4) I won't feel doped up during the experience.
5) Many women who have a no-intervention delivery have repeat no-intervention deliveries for future children (it must be worth it!).

I've got some time to do some research. I think I just want to be open to the possibilities. I definitely don't want to just jump all over that epi at the first sign of discomfort.

I've always had to eat after school "snacks." But, as of last Monday, my NEW FAVORITE after school snack is a baked potato. Yum :::drool::: It doesn't even matter what's on them...butter, sour cream, cheese, ketchup, or any combination of them. Yum, yum, yum.

Just a short update today, as I am completely out of energy. I've decided I do have morning sickness, it's just not the "waking up and puking" type. I'm having a difficult time eating certain things (like bread and cereal...grainy and dry stuff). When I eat them, I feel like I'm going to gag. I can't eat breakfast, so I just drink a big glass of OJ. The things that have the WORST affects on me are smells. Smells make me want feel like I'm going to throw up (though I never do). Our school sometimes has issues with a sewer smell circulating through the vents and into our classrooms. This happened on Friday and I just thought I would die.

Quick note...I felt so bad on Thursday because hubs got up at 6am JUST to make me breakfast and I couldn't stomach it. I was almost in tears when I looked at him and said, "I am SOO sorry, but I can't get this to go down." I felt awful.

...it hit me all at once that this pregnancy could have easily not happened. I remembered how hopeless I felt that last cycle knowing there was no way we could continue to pay for those expensive cycles. My infertility has given me so much appreciation for this pregnancy. I am so blessed to be able to get pregnant, and trust me, I now know how lucky I am (having gone through the procedures and knowing people who struggled much more than I).

I am so blessed for this 160bpm baby.