Confessions of a Blogaholic

I was reading/skimming through my NEA magazine (Teacher Union) when I had a thought, and as with all thoughts I have, I had to share it with the world.

Someone wrote a letter to the editor about grades and how assigning grades at the secondary level prepares students for the competitive workforce they are about to enter. I hate grades and the whole grading system. An "A" to me means: this product shows incredible improvement over your last product; you put forth a lot of effort; I see you making remarkable strides forward. Notice the emphasis on "YOU." An "A" to me does not mean: you are ranked with the best of the best of my students; your work is equal to or greater than all the other kids; you should be moved to a higher grade to be with more competent peers.

Nonetheless, my point is that grades are ambiguous. They mean nothing.

The thought, though, that popped into my head as I read this letter to the editor was this...Why do we spend so much time trying to prepare out students for the society in which they live when we are capable of preparing them to create a better society? Currently, we are preparing worker bees; we give them the necessary tools to become "productive members of American society." I am almost ashamed to quote that phrase because I, too, said it during all of my teacher interviews. We, as teachers, are taught to do this; it is our core purpose in this profession. "Produce productive members of American society." How sad. I would hate for my children to grow up in this society. I want a better, more tolerant, less competitive, less stressful, more positive world for my children. It's sad to think that we teach for the sake of furthering what we already have.

Our purpose, our value, our mission should be more optimistic; we should be teaching them the necessary skills to "promote peace through good communication, tolerance, and self-worth" while helping them think critically in an effort to "create a better existence for all mankind." Is that hokey? Hell yeah it is, but I want MORE for my future, the future of my students, and the future of my kids.

It sounds cliche to say this, but I am not in this business to train worker bees. I am in this business to change the world.

I like to think I have a high tolerance for pain. The tattoo on my foot was two hours of swollen skin and a needle irritating ever last nerve in my body, but I held fast throughout the session. I thought that would be the ultimate pain in my life and that I would never have to experience anything close to that (other than childbirth, obviously).

But my biopsy takes the cake as the most painful experience in my life, and it was only about 5 minutes long. I'd love to explain all the gory, bloody (literally) details, but let's just leave it at this--it felt like someone had a cotton swab deep inside my body and they were using it to try and tunnel through my skin. Pressure like a S.O.B. All for the tiniest of endometrium samples. Definitely not something I would recommend to anyone.

I will get the results at my 30-45 minute appointment on Monday, March 9. Nathan will be going with me to this meeting, and I hope to get some good news! Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts.

In related news, a co-worker told me today that she is pregnant and due August 14th. I put on my happy face and gave her the best "congratulations" I could muster while feeling my uterus twinge with a jealousy from the depths of my soul. Really, I'm happy for her...just increasingly angry with myself.

The kids drove me nuts today. I absolutely felt like I was dragging them through the mud, and every time I heard, "What are we supposed to be doing?" I thought about gouging my eyeballs out.